"I'm only sharing this one if you promise not to tell anyone, if you can't do that then read no further.
You see the thing is I shouldn't really tell you this but around Scotland we have the most amazing sun kissed beaches,... sorry empty sun kissed beaches, with backdrops of majestic heather clad mountains. The only sounds you hear as you look out to the distant isles are the bees buzzing as they gather the nectar and the call of the eagles echoing down the glen.
We don't tell anyone for obvious reasons but just in case the secret gets out, we breed millions upon millions of tiny yet vicious biting insects called 'midgies' each year, which we let out if and when too many tourists stray onto our beaches.
A second inland reserve of midgies is kept in Glen Etive just off Rannoch Moor, this, if you've ever visited is probably one of the largest and most popular wild camping areas in Scotland and you regularly find scores of campers overnighting here because this is where we tell all the tourists to go and camp.
You only wild camp there once :o)
Finally, we monitor the airports for excessive tourists and when the numbers rise we turn on the rain using our rain machines.... oh, don't tell anyone about those either!
Anyway please don't tell anyone about our fantastically empty beaches and crystal clear water, just keep telling them about the midgies and rain, many thanks."